Cruel Intentions Parody
by Valmont
Summary: This is a parody of Cruel Intentions. Sebastian his trying to get his step sister, Buffy er... I mean Kathryn and the end up making a bet.


Cruel Intentions  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any Cruel Intentions character.  
  
Author Note: This is a parody of Cruel Intentions. I made this when I was a bored.  
  
  
Sebastian Valmont his driving his 1956 Jaguar roadster. He is cool, he is  
hot, he is rich he likes to fuck.  
He keeps driving on the road with no other car in sight.  
  
"Oh that, the producers where afraid that I wrecked the car in to pieces so  
I'm the only one driving in the road."  
  
******  
  
He arrives at the Dr. Grenbaum's office.  
  
"I've fucked your daughter as a revenge of you overcharging me."  
  
"Oh. Damn. I'm so sad. Take me now Sebastian help me forget."  
  
They fuck.  
  
******  
  
Kathryn Merteuil is in a enormous living room talking with Bunny Caldwell.  
  
"Don't worry, with my guidance Cecile, will be a very sucessfull lady at Manchester.  
  
"Oh thank you Kathryn I can't thank you enough."  
  
Sebastian enters the living room and ravages Mei Ling. After he finishes he tell her  
"You're getting better at this Mei Ling."  
  
Cecile looks at Sebastian almost drooling "Whoow."  
  
Sebastian looks at her "Wanna join?"  
  
He fucks Cecile.  
  
"How could you do this to my daughter?"  
  
"Oh shut up."  
  
He fucks Bunny. As this is happening Kathryn insanely masturbates herself with her crucifix.  
  
******  
  
As Bunny is leaving she hands Sebastian a piece of paper  
  
"Call me."  
  
After they left he turn to Kathryn "I didn't know it was Lousy lay day at the Valmont's house."  
  
Kathryn snorts some coke "Just taking the girl as my personal sex slave. The parentals called why you where out."  
  
"Lovely, how is your never get tired to fuck mother enjoying Bali? I hope she doesn't return soon.  
She is draining all my strenght in ours sex sessions."  
  
"She suspects your always wants to cum in my ass father is screwing her cat."  
  
"Good."  
  
"So what do we do now?"  
  
"Hmmm let's fuck Buffy er... I mean Kathryn."  
  
"Hmmm, only if you fuck Annette Hargrove."  
  
"You got yourself a bet baby." Sebastian then exits the living room, but quickly reenters the room.  
"Ok I've won the bet Buffster."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yes I've fucked her last night. We are married remember?"  
  
"Oh. Hmmm nah that's no good you have to fuck her again."  
  
"Damn. Ok."  
  
******  
  
Annette Hargrove is arriving with Aunt Helen to the house and Sebastian is target shooting. Sebastian quickly takes Aunt Helen  
out of the picture shooting her with the rifle.  
  
"Hi Annette."  
  
"Hello."  
  
"I'm Sebastian. God you're beautiful. You're so smart and determined. Let's fuck?"  
  
Annette is drooling "Yes... I mean no. We can't I will only fuck with somebody I love."  
  
"Oh. I love you Annette. Let's fuck."  
  
"Ok."  
  
They fuck.  
  
******  
  
Sebastian is driving back to his house, when his phone starts to ring.  
  
"Yes? No I've told you I don't want to the lead role in Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones,  
yes I'm sure I wanna throw away my biggest career opurtunity. Bye."  
  
******  
  
"There Buffy I've fucked her."  
  
"Oh ok. Let's fuck then."  
  
"No way I don't want to fucky you now."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Hmmm good question. I don't know. Plot purposes."  
  
"That makes me so mad." Buffy kicks the living shit out of Sebastian.  
  
"Ah my face. By beautiful face."  
  
******  
  
Sebastian somehow managed to survive and goes to Blaine's house.  
  
"Hey Pacy, oops I mean Blaine. So what have you been doing?"  
  
"Some more shows of Dawson's Creek. And you?"  
  
"Buffy kicked my ass. I want revenge."  
  
"Hmmm, why did she beat you up?"  
  
"She wanted to fuck me, but I wans't in the mood."  
  
"What???? Even I would fuck her."  
  
Sebastian is shocked "You're right what the fuck is wrong with me?"  
Sebastian rushes to his Jaguar hoping that is not to late.  
  
"BUFFY" he kicks her door down finding her in bed with Ronald the music teacher  
"What the fuck are you doing?"  
  
"What do you think I am doing? I'm fucking Ronald because you didn't fucked me."  
  
"But I now wanna fuck you!"  
  
"I will only fuck you if you end things with Annette." she shows him her wet pussy  
  
"Duh gaga blurgh" he is drooling alot now.  
  
*******  
  
"I don't love you it was only a lie! I'm completely fucked up."  
  
"What?" Annette screams "You motherfucker." Annette kicks the living shit out of Sebastian  
  
"Not again."  
  
"I want the divorce Ryan."  
  
"What?? Wait this was only for the movie. It's just a line."  
  
"Oh you're not fooling me now. Pack your bags and move out. I'm gonna fuck somebody else."  
she goes to fuck Cecile.  
  
*******  
  
Sebastian walks around the city crying for losing both his loves.  
He decides to go ask Annette to forgive him. He spots Annette on the park.  
  
"Annette!" he rushes over to her  
  
"Sebastian!" she smiles  
  
Suddenly Sebastian his hit by a taxi.  
  
"Sebastian my love don't die." she cries  
  
"Annette... I-I... how's my face? By beautiful face?" he dies  
  
"NNNOOOOO."  
  
*******  
  
Kathryn is giving a speech about Sebastian's death. Annette distributes copys of Sebastian's journal.  
  
"Whow cool." a male student says "Now I can be like him and fuck everybody's life."  
  
Kathryn is exposed and starts to cry. Annette goes to her. "Ooh poor thing. Let's fuck."  
  
Kathryn smiles and they fuck. The others student read the journal and they become also Cruel and  
everybody fuck each other.  
  
THE END. 


End file.
